自愿坠入深渊

记得我说过要做卡尔维诺的《看不见的城市》插图,一辆公交车,我在门对过的后两排,颠簸的声音里我接了那个编辑某某某的电话,我让她帮我问问译林的同事,说我喜欢那本书,想要做那本书的图。车里轰隆隆的,就好像耳机里的轰隆隆的,《看不见的城市》中每一个没有实际意义(也许吧)的名字,都藏在了那些机械噪音里,在跳跃着让我我那里走,去看它们一眼。

当然你们都知道我什么也没有做成,我是一个无所成的人,一个食言者。我吃自己的话,我是白字先生,我把那些不懂的中文英文全部掰成碎片,材质大概就和压克力那样的,半透明的,从滚烫的台面上拿起来,局部溶化成为果冻一样,局部还硬得像玻璃,我吃它们的棱角,弄得心里很难受。编辑回复说,卡尔维诺的版权都在他的太太手里,想要做的话就得全部做好,然后得到他太太的同意才可以。所以我放弃了,你看我给你看我的借口,我有用不完的借口,因为我居然那么想了,我还说出来了,我还做了,我越做越多了,然后到自己都没有办法收场了,妈的,我无路可退了,我站在悬崖边缘,看着底下平静的一片湖水真好,像镜子一样给你看自己,你太荒唐了,你这个忧郁的人,你害了所有的人,你弄砸了所有的事情,你改变了一切美好的事物,现在你该独自面对这些了吧?看看你的过去吧你只要照镜子就会流眼泪你是无可救药的吧?来打碎这张镜子让你的身体在水中被泡烂变成浮游生物的零食变成浮游生物本身你的一切变成无数掉链子的DNA,变成树,变成花,变成园林,好吧!

我不是那个甘愿安定的人,我是自愿掉下去的。

发泄完了。那么看画吧。

假如你愿意相信我,那很好。现在我要告诉你,奥克塔薇亚——蛛网之城,是怎样建造的,两座陡峭的高山之间的悬崖:
城市就在半空,有绳索、铁链和吊桥系住两边的山坡。
你在小块的木板上走动,战战兢兢惟恐脚步落空,你也可以抓紧绳索。脚底是千百呎的空荡:只有几片云飘过,再往下望才是渊底。
这是城基:一张网,既是通道也是支持物。
其余一切都不是竖立在上面而是悬挂在下面的,绳梯、吊床、麻袋似的房子、衣架、小艇似的梯台、皮水袋、煤气管、烧烤叉子、网篮、活动食物盘、淋浴水管、小孩玩的秋千和圈圈、吊车、吊灯、盆栽蔓藤植物。
奥克塔薇亚的居民在深渊上面生活,反而不如别的城市那样觉得不安定。他们知道那张网的寿命有多长。

 

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