塞林格:我看见老菲必在旋转木马上

中午吃完饭,朗读塞林格。

还挺感动的。

一年前,塞林格90岁生日时写的文章:

我看见老菲必在旋转木马上

2009年1月1日,这是你的90岁生日,很多人在报纸上看见你90岁生日的消息,发觉你还没死。其实我一直等着你死去的消息,这样就能给你写讣告了,当然,现在就开始写也没什么大不了的,据说很多报纸都是提早写好各色人等的讣告,但这样的文章一般都不好看,必须是死讯传来,立刻动笔,这样才更有神韵。仿佛能抓住逝者留在人间的最后一缕魂魄。不过,我觉得,你现在这样,跟呆在坟墓里没什么区别,难道你真的想活到140岁?那时候我就90岁了,我真不明白这世间有什么可留恋的,让你老丫的这么起劲的活着,还搞什么顺势养生。你就没有不耐烦吗?

也许你真有什么好写的?每天上午写上那么几段,然后神秘的藏在你的保险柜里?也许有许多文学经纪人等着你嗝儿屁了,盘算着怎么把保险柜打开,拿你的那些东西卖钱。但我觉得,我一点儿也不期待你还能写出什么来,要是你死了,那些破手稿搞得和纳博科夫那样,反而挺无聊的。纳博科夫留下那些稿子,又告诉后人把它烧掉,趁着你还有把力气,你自己要是写了什么就自己烧掉吧。

我没想到,你能活这么长。在我看来,你不是那个出了几本书然后就跑到新罕布什尔州去隐居的作家,你是那个从纽约长途汽车站登上灰狗跑到西部的少年,头上还戴着那顶破帽子。这之前你和老菲必告别,她在旋转木马上转个不停。这个小姑娘要是活在世上也该80多岁了,她一定是个机灵的老太太,她一定会想念你。让她活着吧,让她活着去想念别人吧,因为她是个理智的丫头,没有哪一种思念能把她压垮,你还是干脆一点,我老觉得,你要是成了个孤老头子整天想念那些死去的人,那多荒唐啊。当然,我不知道活到90岁会不会更铁石心肠。

人老了有时候会犯糊涂,估计你还没糊涂,没有染上老年痴呆或别的什么病。西蒙当时从夏令营写回的那封信,印在《纽约客》杂志上,后来我买了这杂志的光盘,找到这封信,在你的故事里,那些孩子永远是天才,读了那么多书,这些年你躲在克尼什镇,一定看了不少书,我不知道这些书是不是让你变得更聪明了。我看悬。说实话,我根本就不喜欢西蒙,相比霍尔顿,他太聪明了,这样的人不死才怪,不自杀才怪。可他不讨厌,看他写的信还是挺快乐的,但我真不愿意看到一个90岁老头儿忽然又冒出来说话,既然你已经沉默了那么多年,就永久沉默下去吧。既然你已经早早的就让他自杀了,那也别让他再出来叨逼了。当个又聋又哑的人是多幸福啊,这世上没几个人能做到。依我看,外面这个世界还像以前那样操蛋,要不是更操蛋,装腔作势的傻逼比比皆是,像老萨丽那样的姑娘就算相当不错了,老斯宾塞简直是圣人,摆在人面前的还是那样的混帐命运。我相信,你不会像老斯宾塞那样买个毛毯子就高兴,也不会穿着睡衣露出你衰老的胸脯,在那个小镇子上终老吧。

我估计你对外面这个世界也没什么兴趣,但我们对你的兴趣还保留着,这个兴趣一半来自于对你的作品的持续阅读,一半来自对你隐藏起来的形象进行形而上的探讨,等你死球的时候这股兴趣会到达高潮。我们必须这样庸俗的传播下去,非让一帮还没有变得庸俗的孩子继续看你那本书,但我疑心,你可能更喜欢一些不那么爱看书的孩子,他们打雪仗,玩足球,现在可能是玩电脑游戏,这帮孩子可能像西蒙一样敏感,也可能懵懂无知,他们的确在麦田里四处游荡,但是,你丫千万别想再当个守望者了,你根本操不起那个心起不了那个急。就看着旋转的菲必,看着大雨瓢泼,看着彩虹,看着阳光从乌云中透出来,看着她旋转一圈就衰老一分。最终,在你死后,也许会有一块墓碑标志你埋葬的地点,但上面不会有墓志铭,更不会有淘气的孩子在上面写上“FUCK YOU”,但是,我敢肯定,等你的死讯传来之时,会有好多人感叹一句,“操!”。我希望到那个时候,你还没有准许让哪个傻逼导演改编你的小说,50年内,不会有任何一部关于霍尔顿和老菲必的傻逼电影上演。就这。

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